Summer of '96
by Ember Nickel
Summary: Drabble sequence. Lee Jordan looks back on his life amid growing concern about what lies ahead. Not my normal fare, see first chapter for details.
1. My first real 6 string

_Author's note: Just a warning for those of you who've read some of my (especially Lee Jordan-focused) stuff before; although a lot of minor plot elements in this fic are shared with many other things I've written, it is emphatically __**not**_ _set in the same "universe" as anything else I've written, and you might not approve of some of the content. It's difficult to say more without spoiling the ending, but it doesn't need to be rated any higher than a T if that's your concern._

"You're just going to leave that here?" Kenneth gaped. It was the first day of our third year and I was carefully setting a box that contained a tarantula by my trunk.

"What else am I going to do with it?" I asked. "Chop it up and use it in Potions?"

"_There'_s a thought," George grinned.

"Put it in the girls' dorms, freak them out," said Fred.

"Ugh, they don't deserve that."

"You sound like a Prefect. What's wrong with you?"

"Don't want Ang—any of them to get _too_ freaked out," I blushed. "It's okay, I'll think of something."


	2. At the five and dime

"Come on, you know you want in on this," Fred grinned.

I wasn't so sure. Of course, the Wireless job was already annoying—it wasn't even that I didn't get to do anything exciting, I just didn't get along with anyone.

"I'm just too stunned," I teased. "_The_ Fred Weasley, a respectable businessman? I think I've stumbled into one of your Daydream Charms."

"Patented," he reflexively replied.

"Don't worry, I won't steal it. That would require _me_ to be a businessman, the two of you are quite enough."

"He'll come around, you'll see," George called to Fred. "We've got time."


	3. Till my fingers bled

_I must not mock Ministerial decrees._

"Lee?"

I did a double-take as Harry approached me. We were friends, sort of, but it's still something else when the Boy who Lived notices you in a hallway.

"What's going on?" I lowered my voice. If anyone heard him saying when the D.A. was meeting…

"Nothing. Just…essence of murtlap."

"What?"

"Soak your hand in a bowl of Murtlap Essence. It…worked for me." He gave too knowing of a nod for fifteen, then hustled to class.

It was normal, having him know how to handle that—but we never really got used to it.


	4. Me and some guys from school

For almost half an hour I saw red flashes when I closed my eyes. The afterimage of the spider that Professor Moody had killed with _Avada Kedavra _was still there, still terrifying but amazing.

Of course, I didn't keep my eyes closed for long. I had notes to take and words to hang on to. Sure, Professor Lupin had been a much better teacher than the last few, but this…this guy had _been_ there.

"Best class?" Fred mouthed to me when we walked out.

"You know it," I said. "I'm so glad I stuck with Defense Against the Dark Arts."_  
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	5. Had a band and we tried real hard

"Nice job today," Fred said as we made our way out of the hidden room.

"Thanks," I smiled, trying to figure out what he was up to. No way he'd just give someone a compliment like that, even me. "I'm sure you did fine as well, just couldn't see you behind Creevey's buff muscles."

He rolled his eyes, so I knew I'd scored a point. "Yeah, yeah. I'll tell Harry to have you duel Angelina next week, see how well you keep your focus then."

"Oh, shut _up_." Knowing that was weak, I quickly added, "The ball went that bad?"


	6. Jimmy quit and Joey got married

George took longer than some of the other Dumbledore's Army alumni to get engaged; Ron and Hermione had become an item at the final battle, apparently, and Harry and Ginny reconnected not too long after that. I wasn't the type to say "I could only love somebody that had gone through what I had." Maybe I'm just good at brushing it all off.

I told myself that I shouldn't begrudge George his happiness. However I felt about the wedding, I had to be happy for them. Too many of the D. A. never got the chance to marry at all.


	7. Shoulda known we'd never get far

"Hey." I tried not to stare at Alicia's mangled lower body. "A—you heard about Fred?"

I opened my mouth, gave up looking for words, and just nodded.

"I've seen the rest, our class, they're all fine. You want to levitate me out of here, I can help—"

"No," I cut her off, "we—we can manage it."

She glared as I trooped off, in search of another body. I didn't recognize any of these kids, and they couldn't all have been of age. Were they new? Or was I just not noticing the younger kids at the time?


	8. When I look back now

If there's one thing I wish I remember more clearly from the war and before it was what specifically Fred did that was really _his_ and _good._ George was always a hairsbreadth in his shadow, and so now when we see how he's more tolerant, less defensive, than Fred would have been, we all can say "oh, that's George…not just him being one of the Weasley twins, this is really him." And I feel like this taints my memory of Fred, if he always looks negative in comparison.

I should be better at this. I could always tell them apart.


	9. That summer seemed to last forever

"Happy birthday, boss," I said, handing Paul a package which he curiously unwrapped. "Shield Cloak. So minor jinxes will bounce off of you."

He gaped, running his hands down the fabric. "If this is some prank…"

"It's not."

"Bit rich, coming from you."

"Get someone else to test it, then."

He must've, because I saw him wearing it around. It was 1996 and we, Dumbledore's Army, were just kids but somehow ahead of the game. We'd known Voldemort was back. And like it or not, it felt like there was no one else; we had to lead the way forward.


	10. And if I had the choice

I would definitely choose to fall in love and take whatever moments we could scrape together, no matter the consequences. Not because the consequences wouldn't sting—they would. They _probably_ would.

But this is me we're talking about. I came of age the year Voldemort returned, I spent the next three years on the edge, knowing the world could come crashing down (or the final pieces collapse even further) at any moment. If things went south, everything would be over with well before I had time to regret the stupid decisions I made.

Or maybe that's all just an excuse.


	11. Wannabe

"Look, Angelina, all I'm saying is that—suppose things do go bad for you. For all of us. I'd hate to think that, because you were tied down with the strike and everything, things get worse as far as the Ministry goes, _and_ you miss your chance to play professionally. At some point when things really get impossible, you should take your chance."

"You know, unlike some jocks, I know you have some kind of logic behind your argument."

"Thanks?"

"Unless you mean something _else_ by "take your chance and live in the moment.""

"Hey, it was worth a shot."


	12. The best days of my life

You've given me hope. That it's not too late, that there might be someone—something—out there for me, still. I used to think I'd never have anything like life on the run, and I hope I still won't, but this was just as good in its way.

"But I can't—"

It's not you, don't you understand? And it's not me either, it's just…all of us. I can't do this, not to George and everyone.

There has to be someone else—not tied down—who's as crazy as me. And if not, I guess I'll never know the difference.


	13. Ain't no use in complainin'

We had the most morbid, and weirdest, conversations at Potterwatch. "Hypothetically speaking," said George, "someone answers wrong. Then what?"

"You don't let them in, obviously," I said.

"But," said Fred. "Maybe it's a question that your entire class knew the_ right _answer to, but getting it wrong was an in-joke with somebody specific."

"Then the real "right" answer, for your purposes, would be the wrong one."

"Let's not get too philosophical, now—"

"Hello?" called a voice from outside.

"Hey. What did we eat on the train first year?"

"Bertie Botts'. Don't remind me."

"It's Angelina all right," said Fred.


	14. When you got a job to do

George threw himself into the shop more forcefully than anyone expected after the war. I should have offered to help, I guess, but I wanted to give the WWN a try.

And yet we both made the right decisions. Running the shop by himself, he worked his fingers to the bone and was left too numb to really break down. Myself, I didn't like it the WWN that much—I wanted to get away and couldn't get used to the routine. But I didn't need work that was hard enough to drain me completely; I mourned in my own way.


	15. Spent my evenin's down at the drivein

"So?" said Katie Bell. "Better than the plays?"

We were never dating, just friends, but I was dumb enough to put up with her adventures in Muggle cinema. "I don't know. Haven't seen the plays."

"Of course. But they can do much more with cameras. Very ingenious substitutes for magic when you think about it."

I didn't want to think about it. I was lovesick and resentful of the Muggles, I'd fought for their lives and the best they could offer me was apparently a bunch of moving pictures. And I didn't want to try and explain it to Katie.


	16. When I met you

The first time I met you, to be honest, I barely paid you much notice. Of course I knew you were cute, but in a little-kid way, and I was busy enough trying to talk to Fred. "I'm Lee, Lee Jordan," I repeated. Didn't he remember me? I'd seen him around. "I've been at your Mum and Dad's house before." The wizarding world was really small, all the families knew each other in the friend-of-a-friend sort of ways.

"Whatever," said Fred, who was clearly most concerned about when George would give him a Chocolate Frog that he'd stashed away somewhere.


	17. When you held my hand

We had gone to the Arrows—Cannons game; George had gotten tickets, but something came up, so I wound up going instead. It was horribly foggy, and nobody had appeared to sight the Snitch for the first three hours, when the rain broke out. You didn't mind at all, just smiled, and we huddled together to keep warm.

"You're trying this for a living," I shook my head, "and you're still up for more?"

"Can't have too much of a good thing," you smiled.

I remember thinking how large your hands were. Chaser's hands, I should have known. But still.


	18. I knew that it was now or never

Curses flew all around me, my own anonymous among them. I shot off those and dodged everything else.

Harry was back. Somehow, he'd made it back—"_Protego!_" He could defeat Voldemort today, end this thing—"_Expelliarmus!" _Or the idiot in the hood would kill me and, for all of _my_ intents and purposes, the thing would still have ended—_"Incarcerous!"_

I never considered the possibility that this would be just another battle in the war, or even that I'd almost wish it was, that the coming years would seem drab in comparison. Not that I had time to think much.


	19. Killin' time

"So where've you been all day, then?" George shook his head as I walked inside.

I shrugged. I could tell the truth, but if he'd asked you the same thing…"Around."

"Around? You're always "around" somewhere."

"I'm woefully predictable. It's a secret flaw."

"Git. Come on in and eat."

You think that I didn't see you trying to catch my eye and wink. I completely did, but didn't want to break down in hysterics in front of George. Not that breaking down in hysterics with George isn't my idea of a good time, but we had to be a little discreet._  
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	20. Young and restless

I started travelling the world after the wedding, once I didn't have anything to hold me down. Doing broadcasts here and there, setting up pirate radio stations, generally annoying authority figures. It was the only thing I figured I'd ever be good at.

Only milliseconds here and there, the time saved through Apparition, but I like the thought that I'm younger than I should be, really. The faster you move around, the slower time passes, the younger you are—it's a Muggle thing. A crackpot theory, it'll never be enough to make a real difference in anything. But it's true.


	21. We needed to unwind

I like to think that I've been as good for you as you've been for me. The joke shop is great, don't get me wrong—I order from it as much as anyone—but even George has a schedule every day.

I had called in enough favors to get enough Portkeys set up so I could keep working on and off while I was here these last few months. Hopefully I've shown you that you don't have to push yourself so hard on other people's schedules all the time. Or at least, not everyone has to. I've found a way.


	22. I guess nothin' can last forever

We made our way through Hogsmeade. Inside, the prices would be disappointingly inflated, but outside everything looked the same as it had for decades. "Go ahead," you said, "I'll catch up in a minute."

Shrugging, I made my way forward.

When my robes started to feel cold, right where my pocket was, for a second I felt like it was my Dumbledore's Army coin. Somewhere Fred or George had news to break and—

I turned around to your blushing face. "Oh, you've done it now," I said, grinning and kneeling to make an even larger snowball to throw in retaliation.


	23. And now the times are changin'

In spite of everything I've been through, I tend to take things for granted until the weirdest moments. Just the other day, as I was leaving lunch with Katie and Richard, I thought of how happy they looked together and realized that of course Katie could never have married a Muggle if things had gone differently so many years ago.

I like Muggles. And I'm sure some of them give something up in marrying _us_. They have some more…liberal ideas out there, they've changed more than us in the last few centuries. Maybe with more families things are just easier.


	24. Look at everything that's come and gone

It was very early in the morning; I doubted anyone else had shown up yet. "Happy birthday, Fred," I smiled, rising from the tombstone.

"I think he'd be happy that we're…here," you said. "As in, together, you know."

"You do?" I couldn't help myself from grinning.

"Yeah. I bet he'd have thought it was kind of hilarious the way it all worked out. And I _know_ he'd be pleased with…that."

"That's why we're here!"

We walked out of the cemetery, and away from the pleasantly flatulent surprise we had left for the next friend or relation to visit the grave.


	25. Sometimes when I play that old 6 string

You screamed like a little girl when I picked up a big spider I found on the sidewalk. I blushed and put it down—if we'd been somewhere private I'd have Transfigured it into something silly. Then again, we weren't really in public, just the Muggle world. If we were in public I'd have had to explain what the screaming was all about.

It was a relief, of sorts. That we didn't match in every respect, that you could be grossed out by things I found amusing. That some of the differences between us are acceptable enough not to matter.


	26. I think about ya wonder what went wrong

I'm morbidly curious as to what my teenage self would think if he could see me now. Would he be thrilled at how things have worked out for me, for us? Unsurprised that it had worked out and mostly curious about this year's lottery numbers? Just relieved that the world is safe enough that this is our biggest concern? Loyal enough to his old friends to know that we shouldn't be doing this? Brave enough to do the right thing?

Maybe all five. Maybe the real problem is that he's right here, that I never grew out of that age.


	27. You told me that you'd wait forever

I know, I know. You'll promise me anything now, and who's to say? Maybe you're like me. Maybe you could see it through.

But even I have been wrong before, hopelessly in love and hopelessly wrong about it. I trust you as much as I trust my seventeen-year-old self, which is to say completely, except when it comes to things that could make a difference in your life decades down the line.

Today I'm being the adult, but I don't want to pull away either. That doesn't make this easier, but it doesn't mean it's wrong. I wish it did.


	28. Your mama's porch

"Look at my Mum!"

"Be glad to, she's still well fit."

"Lee!"

"What about her?"

"She went to the Yule Ball with my dad's _twin_. And she and my dad are fine. If she could be wrong about which _twin_ she really loved, falling for the daughter of the person you once had a crush on means nothing!"

"Roxanne, please don't try to argue this—"

"Are you kidding me? You know this is ridiculous."

I hesitate, but though I've trusted you with everything before it is too late to take risks. A glance back would doom me. I Disapparate.


End file.
